Archive / Family

RSS feed for this section

Hello, Summer! How I’m Transitioning Through New Seasons of Life

I’ve been absent from social media and blogging. Or incognito. Or something. I’ve been posting less and following less. My priorities have kind of shifted for a season. Hello, Summer! There are some new life seasons, and this is how I’m transitioning. 

The end of February and March brought our first daughter, Lydia’s bridal shower and wedding. She was a beautiful bride, and she and her new husband clearly adore each other.

May brought our 5th child, Elizabeth’s, graduation from Legacy Academy homeschool high school. She graduated with the local homeschool group. There were 51 graduates who participated in the group graduation. Each student’s parents said a blessing over them. It was beautifully emotionally exhausting.

If it weren’t for my Lilla Rose business, I’d probably never have learned how to use Canva. Without Canva, I’d not have learned how to make yard signs for my daughter.

Then, over Memorial Day weekend, my husband left for two weeks to participate in grading thousands of American politics Advanced Placement (AP) exams in Salt Lake City. When he left Utah to return home, there were only 75000 entries to go. Needless to say, he’s still grading those here at home, in addition to leading his summer class at Western Michigan University, and the ones at his additional side gig adjunct professor job. Super funny, though, that in some ways when I had six children at home, his being away for a week or ten days was harder, but in other ways, it was easier than it was with two older children.

I miss all the kids being here doing our June projects!

Elizabeth, Anna, and I started working on our gardens around Elizabeth’s greenhouse work, which she started in May also.  We also worked around Anna’s horse volunteering and riding lesson schedules, and our various appointments. We’ve even been trimming tree limbs so they don’t poke us in the eyes while we garden. Our burn pile is ridiculously high. I’ve been investing in various tools that aid in reducing my imbalance issues or that don’t require me to rely on the muscle strength of someone else. Last year I invested in this drill attachment for digging holes for plants and bulbs. Honestly, I’ve also been using it in the garden to turn over dirt and mulch.

We are pleased with how pretty our property is turning out. We’re enjoying new yard ornaments, new humming bird feeders and the evening visitors to them each day, bird baths, and our month old ducklings enjoying time out on the lawn while we work.


In this new season, I’ve started seeing a mental health counselor. A lot of people criticize Facebook posts or other social media as “fake book.” It’s not fake or disingenuous keep all the dirt one or one’s family is going through, nor do all one’s thoughts need to be aired. Not putting up all the hurts, not engaging in all the “discussions”, etc, is merely respecting privacy or placing boundaries around relationships. Not everyone needs to be privvy to the inside scoops within personal and family dynamics. Sadly, we have learned this the hard way by being open and honest-so sometimes we’re either too honest or we’re accused of being a fake.

At the advice of my new counselor who is helping me transition through the new stages and seasons, I’m considering the things that drain me and the things that fill me as I explore my purposes. Some of the drainers are not things I can negotiate, like medical appointments and therapies. Even my OT has suggested that my neuromuscular brain retraining therapy is going slower with out finding more things that bring me joy in my life.

I’m placing an emphasis on rest and on rediscovering joy in this season. 

How am I doing that?

I’m making gifts.

I’m gardening.

I’m sitting with my chickens and listening to them.

I’m crafting. My kitchen currently looks like my brain exploded with craft ideas and supplies.

I’m cleaning and organizing areas of our home-just not the craft supplies in the kitchen.

I’m reading for pleasure.

I’m spending a lot less time on social media.

We’re considering what homeschooling will look like with only one child left at home, and where that child’s focuses should be.

I’m considering where my focus on my Lilla Rose business should be. For the summer, I’m doing no craft shows or festivals.

I’m enjoying my own company, quieting and holding captive my thought life, and enjoying the quiet of our home. Admittedly, sometimes it’s down right weird to be alone or to have quiet! Sometimes, I allow myself to grieve the losses I feel from the transitions. There have been a lot of changes to our lives in the last few years.

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5


What are you doing to enjoy summer this year?
Where is your favorite vacation spot?
What book will you enjoy?

Tell me here, and if you are a new to Lilla Rose or current LoveLeavingLegacy with Lilla Rose customer, enter my summer appreciation customer giveaway running until June 16th, 2022. I’d love to bless a winner with $17 in Lilla Bucks to use on my Lilla Rose website.

Entry form:
QR Code for Jotform form

Sharing Lilla Rose products and gifting are Joys for me!

 

Fourteen Tips For Managing The Home When You Have A Chronic Illness

October 12, 2018 brought a doozy of a diagnosis to our home and family. Over the telephone on that day, two hours after a brain MRI, four days after meeting with the neurologist, he said “You need to immediately go to the ER to get seen faster. You have a large tumor pressing on your brain stem. The brain stem is shifted in such a way that you could die.” Those works brought significant trauma and anxiety. A few hours later in the ER, I met with a neurosurgeon who said “Yes. You need surgery asap, but the best brain surgeon in the hospital is on vacation. He left yesterday. I do spine surgeries, and I’m the best at that. I imagine you want the best at brains.” Funny how he made me laugh in my worst life moment. My response, through tears of fear but also a giggle, was something like “Ok. As long as I don’t die, I can manage and be patient. I’ve managed this long.” He sent me home on powerful steroids, and I met with the brain surgeon a couple of weeks later. That surgeon didn’t give me new information, but between the two neurosurgeon doctors and the ER doctors I’d met with, I had enough information to realize this was serious, and that my life and the lives of my husband, children, and my parents’ too, may forever be altered.

Praise the Lord none of the worse case scenarios came to fruition. Praise the Lord for fantastic medical care and therapy. I’ve been in therapy of one kind or the other since. While none of the worst case scenarios came to fruition, our lives are still changed. I’ve changed. My hearing has changed. My sleep has changed. My balance and fatigue levels changed. My ability to navigate groups and crowds has changed. Some of my roles as a wife, mother, and home based business owner have changed. How I can travel has changed. How I use my time has had to change to accommodate hours of PT, or facial OT, or trips to Ann Arbor, MI for functional Botox treatments, or to consult with a make up artist.

Praise the Lord for all kinds of help in those weeks leading up to surgery, the weeks I was in rehab, and the months afterwards. For many months, we had meals sent by church and friends. I had stored up freezer meals, too. Friends helped with transportation for me to therapy and appointments, and for the kids’ activities to give my husband a break.

But what about when all the help ended?

How does a family with the impact of a new chronic illness manage all the facets of home life?


Even after more than three years of dealing with this life changing diagnosis, we are still doing these fourteen tips. It’s okay to use services offered by companies! It’s okay to use help that is offered! It is okay to ask for help, or to decline invitations. These tips are about pacing yourself for low energy days.

Be sure to count your costs, sacrifices, or impacts of choices. No matter what you choose, there are some. They might not all be financial, but each choice comes with benefits and consequences. You decide which ones you can live with.

home management tips, chronic illness, health


  1. Recognize that everyone in the family household is affected, and some help choices might be for them, not just the one with the chronic illness.
  2. Schedule your USPS mail package pick ups so your body isn’t burdened by standing in lines and crowds while holding packages and boxes! Buy a postage scale and label makers, and employ websites like PirateShip or Ship dot com to put your own postage on your packages. Be sure to leave extra time for weather or other factors for when your packages are picked up by the mail carrier.
  3. Sign up for grocery services for grocery pick up or delivery in your area. Even grocery stores, rather than big box stores often have these options.
    a. We primarily use Shipt.com for grocery delivery in our area. You and I each get a $10 credit to our yearly membership for using this link, as there is a yearly cost for Shipt. It is a good idea to tip your shopper, so factor those costs into your grocery budget. Shipt now offers preferred shopper choices, and we love the shoppers we’ve selected. Shipt allows for you to pick alternate items if your preferred item is out of stock. My Shipt shoppers call me at home rather than texting or calling my cell and have been great about accommodating for my health issues, even packing grocery bags lighter for me to carry them into the house. Even during these Covid times, they’ve been careful to social distance, mask, and have respected all of our choices and directions. I choose when my order is delivered based on what is best for our routine and when I’m available to talk on the phone around therapy.
    b. We also use Instacart for our monthly Costco orders. We’ve not been as pleased with fewer customer service options, but for me, it is still a better option than being in the store. I honestly find I spend less money on our household and food budgets, too, with my shoppers sticking to the list.
    c. We order fish a few times/year or even monthly from the Wild Alaskan Co. here. Use this link for a $25 credit on your first order and for my next order. We also order cow or pork shares from local farmers, and stock our freezer with this meat supply as finances allow.
    d. Occasionally I forget an item and have to send the hubby anyway. Budget those accidents into the plan. Recognize that even using shopping services like Shipt or InstaCart, you are still the one providing for your family and your household, and in control of what comes in and out of your home.
  4. Do online ordering with an assigned pick up time for local farms or businesses too! We also use Amazon Prime
    This post and clicking on this link may contain an affiliate link. An affiliate link means that, at no extra cost to you, when you click through a link and make a purchase, I may receive a small commission which allows this blog to remain active.
    and other online sites for delivery of household goods, supplies, or animal/pet care.
  5. Maintain a routine for any other errands or appointments. We keep dog grooming, hair cuts, and dental/vision/medical appointments to Thursday afternoons or Fridays as much as it is within our control. Sometimes it’s not in our control and we have to adjust, so choose back up times in those instances.
  6. Double batch cooking on your energetic days. Plan to freeze one of those meals for a not so good or busy day.
  7. Hire babysitting help or housekeeping services as needed for medical appointment days or to give your body a chance to rest.
  8. Last summer we hired yard maintenance help, and since our DIY talents are even more limited now, we also hire for home maintenance help.
  9. Shut off phones and notifications. Close out of social media. You do not have to be available all the time to those outside your household. Have an emergency plan in place for family members to reach you when something urgent or emergent comes up, for instance, a text and immediate phone call might alert you or them to needing an immediate response. Otherwise, the call or text really can wait.
  10. I still utilize online church services for my fatigue or headache days. I don’t try to be everywhere any more, and neither should you. I’m thankful for the option! It’s imperfect, yes. But so is having a chronic illness. This is about making the most of what is available.
  11. Set boundaries with requests from outside your household. Sometimes that even means your family. It’s okay to say no! It doesn’t mean you’re lazy. It means you recognize you can’t be all things to all people. Newsflash: You couldn’t before your chronic illness diagnosis either, even if you thought you could.
  12. If you have children, bring some homeschool lessons or music lessons, etc to the home via tutors or online tutor. It might not be ideal, but most choices are not anyway. Acknowledge what is not ideal, and find a way to work through it. You getting exhausted from being a rat on a wheel isn’t ideal either. For instance, I cannot drive in bad weather or at night. I also cannot walk in those circumstances and maintain balance. The choices for those times are either that they have online lessons, have at home tutors, or my children have to skip certain activities if my husband also has to work at those times.
  13. Multitask activities. Plan that an off site tutor or activity take place at the same facility or general location as an appointment or other activity to condense time away and reduce task fatigue. This is definitely the trickiest tip, and not always doable.
  14. If you need to work, can you find a way to work from home?

There is no need to feel like you are less for using services. You are not lazy for recognizing limitations or for needing help or for establishing what the family priorities are.

My final pieces of advice are this: Do what makes your situation as flexible as possible. Things come up, so establish margins and boundaries in your life as much as possible. If you have children in the home, don’t rely on them to take over household chores and maintenance. While they may be part of the “Home Team” and maybe chores should be part of home life, they should not be expected to be the solutions either. They are also struggling through the chaos chronic illness brings. The advice “Just get your kids to do it.” is such horribly bad advice. Consider, instead, bringing a counselor onto the team of “advisors” for how to manage your family and you sort out new roles. This is one thing I wish we had known we’d need!

What is your advice?

What are your top tips or for managing your household with a chronic illness?

PS. Want inside info on Lilla Rose hair jewelry sales and upcoming events?
Join me on my LoveLeavingLegacy Facebook page
or
Where I Now Blog About Lilla Rose Hair Accessories & Products, Hair Styling, and Hair Care On Sassy Direct.

Thanksgiving Lessons During the Making of Mom’s Fresh Apple Cake: Dear Church Family, Thank You Mom for Legacy

Dear Church Family,

Tonight is our annual church Thanksgiving dinner. I signed up to make my Mom’s Fresh Apple Cake. At the time I signed up for what to bring, I was selfishly thinking “What is easy?” or not as selfishly “If I end up not being able to do it myself today, what will be easy for the girls?” Is it also selfish of me to want to cut a piece out of it before I send it to church with my family? Because I might do it.

What I didn’t know when I was a teen and in my 20’s was to appreciate that Fresh Apple Cake would become my Mom’s signature dish for all things potluck, all family gatherings, all trips. It’s a totally made from scratch, nothing from a can or box cake.  I get it now, Mom. Thank you for the legacy thought! It’s a true family age old recipe! I’m learning these are the best for passing on.

Recipes, Fresh Apple Cake
What I didn’t know as I made my Mom’s Fresh Apple Cake is that seeing my now 30+ year old recipe card, now stained with oil drops and sandy with flour, sugar, and cinnamon is that it would move me to tears. I didn’t know the memories that would flood. Even though my daughter agreed to get her copy out of her recipe book, I wanted to use the recipe card I’d copied back in the day from the card in my Mom’s recipe box. Thank you, Mom, for teaching me to value small things like personal touch and seeing the person in the memory, in a recipe card. We don’t get that in the digital age and on Pinterest! Thank you for teaching me shorthand because your Mom knew it and used it, and for what I’d need to know when I got to college and my nursing degree. There’s shared history and value in the actual writing. I remember Grammie S. in all of this too. This was originally her recipe. Thank you for sharing that history with me.


I didn’t know that as I diced apples into the mixing bowl, I’d be dicing a piece of my heart into that bowl. I didn’t know I’d hear her voice from 836 miles away with advice: “I always just put one more apple than what the recipe calls for for good measure.” as she put a slice of apple into her mouth and said “Yum. Good.” (I didn’t do this, so be at ease, Church family. This is a post Covid-19 era, and I wouldn’t eat while I baked the cake.)  Her advice was to always use Macintosh apples, too, for what it is worth to you. It means something to me. I get it now, Mom. I really was listening when I rolled my eyes at your seemingly frugal and archaic ways. I was a disrespectful 20-something know it all. I’m sorry for that. It’s a deep regret. I *really* do get it now. Thank you for making these memories for me, and for teaching me Joy in Simplicity.

What I didn’t know as I made my Mom’s Fresh Apple Cake is that I’d cry the tears bottled up for all the ways I have guilt for not appreciating my parents over the years, or words I’ve spoken that have hurt them, or words that seemed to judge them for the baggage they carry from hard experiences in their own lives. I get it now, Mom, and I’ve had to go through some hard stuff all on my own to get here. Words and the tongue are double edged swords, and the way they are phrased or spoken can unintentionally harm, but they can also build up. Maybe the way I heard them weren’t the way you meant them and I misunderstood. Thank you for teaching me Grace the best way you knew how.

I didn’t know that I’d be wondering as I diced the apples without any new shiny latest and greatest Pampered Chef tool, just my hands and my good old fashioned 1990’s wedding gift knife “Is someone helping Mom bake Dad an apple cake for breakfast? Does he bake it now? He doesn’t ever follow a recipe.” I didn’t know I’d be wondering if I should bake my Dad a cake the next time I travel to see them, or if Fresh Apple Cake is USPS friendly. Thank you, Mom, for teaching me the gift of consideration for others. I get it and all the time I get it even more.


My Mom told stories of packing my Dad’s favorite chocolate chip cookies into a coffee can and mailing them overseas for a taste of love and home when he was shipped out to sea with the Navy. I get it now, Mom. Would you like me to send Dad cookies for Christmas with your name on them? I remember that he likes them crunchy, even though I don’t. I’ll do it for you, Mom, if you want me to. Your Memories may be fading, but we can carry them on for you. LEGACY, Mom.)

My Mom is still very much alive, just not able to make cookies and Fresh Apple Cake. She has some demons she now wrestles, and right with her, I and my brothers and my Dad and our children all wrestle demons of our own for her.

Thank you, Mom, for teaching me about persistence and overcoming, doing our best, laughing at bad situations, making the best of hard things, and working hard. We might not have been financially rich growing up, but you made us appreciate the better things in life. I didn’t appreciate those lessons when I was younger. I do now. I’ve tried to pass these traits on to my children too, for you, for better or worse, and whether I did it well or not.

Just like you, Mom.

I’m more like you than I ever appreciated and realized. I’m thankful for that.

Thank you, Mom. It took more than 30 years, but I get it now. I love you now, and I always have.

Church family, enjoy my Mom’s legendary apple cake at Church Thanksgiving dinner tonight. There really may be a piece missing when I send it, but know that I replaced it with a really big piece of my heart.

I’m off to make a not so legendary Green Bean Casserole for the church family for tonight, too. I got it off the interwebs and the Google. <insert a 20 something’s eye roll here> There may be a piece out of that as well, because a girl’s gotta eat you know.

But no worries, I am not a canned cream of mushroom soup kind of girl, either, and I know some don’t like mushrooms. So at least it’s void of ‘shrooms and made from scratch. Well, except the canned green beans I used this time. I usually don’t use those. I was looking for easy–again. It does have flour in it if my gluten free family need to know. Signing off as the Whole Foods kind of girl. See Mom? I can attempt goofy humor in spite of a broken heart just like you do! Thank you for the gift of humor in the middle of some really garbage-y times.

With Love & A Broken Heart,

Blessings,

Deb


Lessons from a Family Legacy, recipes, Fresh Apple Cake, Thanksgiving, Faith